How can I strengthen my relationship with my spirit animal?

There’s an enduring and false myth in paganism that finding one’s deity is like falling in love in a fairy tale: once they’ve rescued the princess from the dragon’s lair, they ride off into the sunset to a happily ever after. No. Just as that’s a wildly inaccurate depiction of love, it’s an equally inaccurate depiction of our relationship with spirit animals. Relationships take work, and our relationship with the divine is no different.

A clip that sums this concept up beautifully comes from pastor Tim Scott (for some Celtic pagans, the word pastor can bring out the claws - please put them away and listen to the message - it’s gold).

Our relationship with spirit animals works because we work. There’s one crucial distinction between human relationships and those with the divine. In the former, it can be messy and uneven. One person might be putting in all the work while the other’s dragging their feet. In the latter, our spirit animal always does the work because it’s in their nature. Just as water is wet and fire is hot, spirit animals are willing and ready to connect with those who seek them. That fact places most of the responsibility on us. The good news is that strengthening our relationship with the divine doesn’t require a PhD in Celtic studies. It’s simple if we break it down into its core components:

connection=(grace+work)*time

Connection: The strength of the bond is built on trust and respect between the spirit animal and the devotee.

Grace: Incomprehensible gifts (or curses) from the heavens. Chemistry is a big part of it. That inexplicable spark (or lack thereof) between two people that sends everything into overdrive can’t be predicted or concocted. But another aspect of grace is how events we have no control over dramatically shape the course of the relationship. Those events could be personal breakthroughs, breakdowns, the collapse of the tech sector, or the death of a parent. Grace is the force that lies beyond our understanding and control yet shapes our lives.

Work: Work is what we can consciously do to strengthen our bond with our spirit animal in Celtic paganism. Work includes:

1. Sacrifice
2. Duty
3. Communication
4. Feeling
5. Knowledge.

These five factors require consistent effort and often do not come naturally, especially for beginning practitioners. Hence, it’s work. Work doesn’t mean these things can’t be enjoyable. They usually should be if the relationship is going to sustain, but in a serious relationship, especially with a deity, duty trumps fun.

I’ll break these six factors of work down further, as from this it will become clear what building a relationship with a spirit animal entails from our side.

1. Sacrifice: Sacrifice is how we prove our commitment through action. Without proof, especially when it comes at heavy cost to us, it’s easy to mistake pleasant feelings and sweet words for real love and commitment. Typically, Celtic pagans think of sacrifice as leaving food on the altar or donating to a charity of the deity’s liking, but this is only one type of sacrifice. Other types of sacrifice include:

• Giving our time to charities or causes that the deity might favor.
• Undertaking an oath to chant their name 1000,000 times in a month.
• Abandoning jealousy and resentment over the success of others.
• Fasting for a week while doing intense vigil.

At its deepest level, sacrifice is relinquishing what we cherish most in order to reunite with the divine.

Duty: This second aspect of work is closely related to sacrifice. However, duty is a broader set of responsibilities to honor our relationship with the divine. Sacrifice is often a part of duty, but not all duties are sacrifices and vice versa. Duties include:

• Taking time to perform rituals in our spirit animal’s honor.
• Keeping fresh offerings on the altar and maintaining its cleanliness.
• Communicating with them weekly.
• Living a life in line with their values.

Each relationship will differ in terms of its demands.

Another aspect of duty of immense import in Celtic paganism is keeping one’s word. In Ireland, for example, perjury was such a grave offense that it was considered more grievous than murder*1. In Celtic myths, many heroes lost their lives because they failed to honor their vows, such as when Cu Chulainn broke his geis and ate dog meat before being slain by Lugaid. If we promise the deity that we will not drink in October or spend an hour in meditation each day, we’re duty-bound to keep our word. We might not be slain the next day if we break our vow and indulge in a pint, but it will mar our integrity and relationship.

Communication: At base, prayer and ritual are about communication with the divine. Regular contact brings us intimately close to the spirit animal’s strength, wisdom, and presence. Hence, prayer and ritual have been central to religious life throughout human history.

There are many ways to communicate with the deity. In prayer, we can seek its counsel, make requests, or wait in silence and listen for its quiet voice. Practitioners can also integrate prayers into rituals to give their words more weight and honor the solemnity of the relationship. Through shamanic journeying or visualization, we can come face-to-face with our spirit animal in much the same way we would a close friend or teacher.

And, finally, as in other relationships, be courteous. Don’t be busy with other things while speaking with the divine. Don’t be rude, arrogant, or demanding. Be focused, respectful, and gracious. The particular way and method we choose to communicate to our spirit animal depend upon our relationship, but the most important thing is that we make time for, listen to, and adjust accordingly.

Feeling: Feeling is the fuel of relationship and transformation. If we resent or despise someone, it’s unlikely we’re going to give them a call or savor a night on the town together. And if they tell us to straighten ourselves out, we’ll probably tell them where they should put their unasked-for advice. On the other hand, the more love, awe, beauty, joy, and devotion we feel toward them, the more gravity their words and symbols carry, and the more they will seep into our bodies, hearts, and lives and shape us.

Our feelings toward our spirit animal are not the result of a random process beyond our control. While there is an element of grace and “just waking up on the wrong (or right) side of the bed,” another big part of our inner world can be shaped and developed through contemplation and ritual. Thus, contemplating the spirit animal is vital to keeping the fire alive.

Knowledge: Knowledge is often thought of as exclusively being in the domain of intellect and reason. Academic research. Logical analysis. Scientific studies. These are valid means of knowledge, but in Celtic paganism, knowledge includes much more: the intuitive, the spiritual, dreams, and visions. All of these can be drawn on to inform our understanding of the spirit animal. Study, scrying, visualization, and contemplation are the means.

Time: Time is the builder and destroyer of all, relationships included. If we neglect our spirit animal for weeks, months, or years, that relationship will wither. But if we spend quality time with them daily, it will thrive. Although, as in all things, balance. Familiarity can breed contempt. If we go too overboard, it might backfire, launch our expectations to astronomical heights, and burn us out. Patient, steady effort is usually the way to go.

Also, notice that grace and work are multiplied by time in the equation. The more recent an experience is, the more powerful its effects. As time passes, though, its power diminishes. We might have an overwhelming vision while trekking through the Appalachians, but that impact will wither away over the years if we don’t pick the phone up again. The spark will likely still be there, but the inferno will be gone. One of my own stories illustrates this.

Years back, I went on a meditation retreat in Wales led by the awesome Burgs. I was loopy as hell. At one point, I was convinced I had become enlightened and spent several nights meditating all night with my body drenched in luminous bliss (note: still definitely not enlightened). While meditating, Guru Padmasambhava exploded out from an endless field of light. He and I stared at each other for an eternity. His wrathful eyes pierced and devoured me. Knowledge, ferocity, and ecstasy shot through the ashes that I’d become. And then he vanished, leaving me with energy and insight I didn’t know how to handle. It took me months to recover.

I didn’t reach out to him for another 7 or 8 years out of fear of what would happen. When I did, the fire was there, but it lacked the punch of our first encounter. It took several years of work for that spark to grow into a steady flame. Some of it deeply troubling and uncomfortable though ultimately freeing, but that’s what happens when you befriend the destroyer of delusion.

Conclusion

Our relationship with our spirit animal works because we work. Even for those fortunate enough to fall in love at first sight, there’s still a lifetime of work that awaits them and the inevitability that one day things will end. Change is inevitable. A large part of that change depends on grace, the blessings or curses of the divine, but another portion depends on our willingness to work. The work that works is not a mysterious process written on a scroll on Mount Olympus, it’s five simple factors: 1) sacrifice, 2) duty, 3) communication, 4) feeling, and 5) knowledge.
If we understand and apply these basic principles, a pagan can build a strong relationship with any deity. It’s in the divine’s nature to connect with and uplift us. The question is: how hungry are we?

References

1. Richter, Michael. Medieval Ireland (New Gill History of Ireland 1). Kindle Edition: Gill Books, 2004.